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The Rebuilding Blocks 2018-02-21T13:50:34+00:00

Experiencing Painful Feelings from the Ending of a Relationship?

The Rebuilding Blocks to Adjust to the Loss of Love

A Proven 19-Step Process to Freedom

10 Week Rebuilding Series

When a relationship ends, many experience pain and some do not.  The ones who appear not to hurt when the relationship ends, either already worked through the pain or have not felt it.

It’s natural, healthy and even expected to hurt.  Pain is nature’s way of telling you that something in you needs to be healed.

There is an adjustment process after a divorce – with a beginning, an end and specific steps of learning along the way.  The steps of the adjustment process are arranged into a pyramid of  “Rebuilding Blocks.”

The 10 Week Rebuilding Series incorporates the 19 building blocks.

Is the Rebuilding Series Right for You?

First Monday at 6pm or Third Wednesday at 11:30am of Every Month

Denial: “I Can’t Believe This Is Happening to Me”

You have a wonderful mechanism that allows us only to feel as much pain as we can handle without becoming overwhelmed. Pain that is too great is put into the “denial bag” and held until we are strong enough to experience and learn from it. At a certain point , when we are ready we need to begin to look at our part in the relationship ending. Often we underestimate and deny how long the healing process can take and how much support we need to move on.

Fear: “I Have Lots Of It”

The fears you feel when you first separate are intense and may feel life- threatening.  It’s often a very scary experience.  As you work through your feelings and overcome  fear,  you will develop the  strength and courage to continue your journey in a much healthier way.

Adaptation: “But It Worked When I Was A Kid”

If you were not able to get your own needs for nurturing, attention, affection, support and love met ; you had to find ways to adapt – and some of our  adaptive behaviors are not healthy.  We call these mal-adaptive  responses. These  include: being over responsible for others, being a perfectionist,  a “people pleaser”, co-dependent,  a worrier, controlling, arrogant etc. We need to clearly  identify our  adaptive behaviors and modify our mal-adaptive behaviors.

Loneliness: “I’ve Never Felt So Alone”

When a love relationship ends, we often feel an intense sense of  loneliness . Many daily living habits must be altered now that your partner is gone.  Suddenly you are all alone and it feels like it will last forever. We can learn to value and appreciate our time alone, and learn to have a deep sense of satisfaction when we are with ourself.

Friendship: “Where Has Everyone Gone?”

The first four rebuilding blocks are painful and the desire for help and support from friends is strong. Unfortunately, many friends are lost as you go through the divorce process. Divorce is threatening to some friends ,causing them to feel uncomfortable around the dividing partners. s you learn to create new and healthy friendships , the loss of old friends will not have so much “sting”.

Guilt/Rejection: Dumpers 1, Dumpees 0

Often one person who is more responsible for deciding to end the love relationship (the dumper) and one who is more reluctant (the dumpee). Most dumpers feel guilty and most dumpees feel rejected. The adjustment process is different – guilt verses rejection. Overcoming these feelings comes about with new perspectives, self compassion, and support.

Grief : “There’s This Terrible Feeling Of Loss”

Grieving is an important part of the recovery process. To a great extent the  divorce process has been described as coming to terms with many losses. Grief combines overwhelming sadness with a feeling of despair, helpless, and powerless, draining us of energy. The expression of your Grief is crucial in healing!

Anger: “Damn That S.O.B.”

Most divorced people were not aware that they would be capable of such rage because they have never felt this amount of pain  before. This special kind of rage is often specifically aimed towards the ex-lover/ partner and -if  dealt with  properly – it will be essential to your  recovery.

Letting Go: “Disentangling Is Hard To Do”

It’s tough to let go of the strong emotional ties – yet, it is what is needed to move forward with personal growth.  It is time to invest in you and take the necessary steps  to disentangle from the dead relationship.

Self-Worth: “Maybe I’m Not So Bad After All”

Behaviors are greatly influenced by feelings of low self-worth and self-esteem.  Most of us take a significant “hit’ to our self esteem when in a relationship ending .  As you improve your feelings of self-worth, you’re able to step out of the divorce pits and then to begin building a  positive future .

Transition : “I’m Waking Up And Putting Away My Leftovers”

Understanding why your relationship ended will be helpful.  Picking it apart can help your figure out what changes are needed, to be make it possible to build a sustainable relationship in the future.

Openness : “I’ve Been Hiding Behind A Mask”

Wearing a mask keeps people from knowing who you really are, and most often will  keep you from knowing yourself.  It can be scary to fake off the mask, fearing others won’t accept the “real” person underneath the mask. Learning to accept the fact that you really are more than “enough”, and living with out your old masks-to live authentically- is the main key to your happiness.

Love: “Could Somebody Really Care For Me”

You may find yourself saying, “I thought I knew what love was, but I guess I was wrong.” The ending of a relationship may encourage you to re-examine what love really is and how to create a loving relationship with yourself.

Trust: “My Love Wound Is Beginning To Heal”

Trust is at the center point of the entire adjustment process. Learning to love and trust ourselves and in turn  learning to trust others.  The pain and confusion that go with an ending make it difficult to open up and to discern who we can trust.

Relatedness: “Growing Relationships Help Me Rebuild”

Often after a love relationship has ended, it is easy to jump into another one – a relationship that appears to have everything the previous one lacked. It appears to solve all of your problems. Many people intensify and prolong the confusion, pain and fear when they jump in to a new relationship without taking the time to learn, grow and heal first. The “baggage” from the old relationship makes it frequently inevitable  that the new relationship will fail.

Sexuality : “I’m Interested, But I’m Scared”

When the subject of sexuality comes up, most react emotionally and irrationally.  Often finding it difficult to discuss.  The reality is that  when a relationship ends,  our sexual needs do not. Some people  confuse their need for touch with the need to be sexual. many become sexually involved in a new relationship too soon.  Others find the thought of dating again and developing  a new  relationship terrifying and don’t know how to relate to their sexual feelings .

Singleness: “You Mean It’s Okay?”

Singleness is not only okay, it is necessary.  The adjustment to the ending of a love relationship will allow you to really let go of the past, to learn to be whole and complete within yourself.

Purpose: “I Have Goals For The Future Now?”

What do you plan to do with yourself after you have adjusted to the ending of your relationship? Beginning to develop a vision for future will make it possible to  create a path that will lead fulfillment and happiness.

Freedom: “Chrysalis To Butterfly?”

At last – Freedom!  The  freedom of choice – you are free to just be yourself and to explore what that means. To choose happiness as a single person.  To gain clarity about what a healthy new relationship might be like. And to create the future YOU want for yourself.

10 Week Rebuilding Series

  • Rebuild Your Self-Esteem

  • Regain Your Confidence

  • Restore Your Self-Reliance

What Participants Are Saying

When I came into the Seminar I was extremely angry. In dealing with the topics of anger and grief during several of the classes I was able to get relief from being stuck in anger –and I didn’t realize how part of my “stuckness” was related to not wanting to feel my grief about the loss of the relationship and the future I had envisioned with my ex. T

The clarity of the teaching helped me see how much of my thinking was rooted in being the victim in the ending of the marriage. So now I can create an authentic life , not being dependent on someone else to love me. It all begins with me.

My fellow classmates helped me to feel that I was not alone in the process of healing, and along with the Facilitators and volunteers we were able to support each other –which really felt good.

BW
The Rebuilding Seminar gave me a new lease on life. When I started the class I was depressed and did not see a path of hopefulness. Now I can see how I created patterns in the past that worked against my efforts to create happiness.

One of the main things I learned is how to create friendships to are mutual, healthy and supportive. I created several friendships in class that are among the best that I have ever had.

Thanks to Nick and Tara for excellent teaching and being able to “hold” the emotions that are part of a relationship ending.

Liz
I had no idea that I was responsible for 100% of 50% of the relationship. That was a relief to come to know. My ex was always blaming me for everything. No matter what it was supposedly my fault. And I learned a lot about what led me to choose him as partner in the first place. The Rebuilding Seminar gave me new tools, new perspectives, new friends, and a lot of ongoing support. I am looking forward to being able to socialize with other Rebuilding graduates. My personal session with Tara, helped me put to rest some of the beliefs that I had been holding on to. One of the best things I could have done for myself in this very difficult transition.
BM